And no, it has nothing to do with losing weight (if you want to be fat, the winter months are the best time to do that if that's your thing.) This year, I want to change myself for the better and the only way to do that is to gain some self control. Often times I feel like a frustrated 2 year old in my mind. I don't get my way (example :kids don't behave, husband doesn't read my mind, car in front of me drives slow, TIVO doesn't record the Bachelor, etc......) and instead of dealing with it quickly and getting over it, I freak out and let it ruin my life. The misbehaving kid thing is the worst of course because it happens on a daily basis because neither of my children are robots from the planet Perfect.... So everyday at some point, one or both children will have a meltdown (or twelve) and then I do the exact same thing right back at them. I yell or whine or pout or whatever comes to my mind first, but it never helps the situation and it's childish. I just do what a toddler would do.... wait for an emotion to hit me and go with to the fullest. There is no thought process, I just react and it gets me no where. Until today......
At lunch today, Sasha decided that we should go get ice cream at the Farr's Yogurt store. Believe me, this idea sounded great to me, but it wasn't in the cards today and Sasha had hardly touched her lunch. I told her is wasn't happening today and I watched in horror as the slow, steady meltdown began. She was sort of huffing and puffing at first. Then she started pulling strange, angry faces at me, and then she attempted to push the issue, in hopes that I would just give in.....I didn't. By the time we got to the car, she was losing it big time! As we started driving toward home, the screaming and seat kicking grew more intense. This is normally the time that I would turn around and scream at her about how bad this behavior is, but I didn't, instead I turned on the music to a great mellow song I love and just started singing to my hearts content. Sasha was super pissed at this point, but I was keeping my cool and it felt GREAT! I didn't so much as bat an eyelash in her direction and by darn it was working, I was staying CALM (and any mother in the universe knows how hard that is when they are kicking the back of your seat). When we got home, I quietly got myself and Lyla out of the car, shut the garage and went inside, ignoring the screaming kid entirely. It took a little while, but eventually she came in and came searching for Lyla and I. I calmly asked her to walk herself to her room and close the door behind her. I told her to stay there until she was done. You won't believe what happened......she did what I said and 5 minutes later she emerged from her room completely back to normal. It was strange, it was unexpected and it was AMAZING. I didn't raise my voice even one little bit and the problem solved it's self.
This resolution is going to be so hard for me, but I am going to make a huge effort to control my emotions the way an adult is supposed to. Today was such a promising start, I hope this is a sign of good things to come. I hope Dave doesn't read this, because he will totally laugh at me for even thinking this is slightly possible. Wish me luck!
Double Gauze Patchwork Quilt
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