This last week, Sasha keeps asking me when her birthday is? I tell her that she has to wait about 9 months for her next birthday party, but still she insists on making preparations for the party now because she is so sure it is taking place "on Thursday" (though she has no idea when Thursday is). If she colors a picture, she plans to use that picture for decoration at her party. If she sees a balloon, she wants to get it and save it for her party. And don't even get me started on the toy commercials, because she wants just about everything she sees to be wrapped in wrapping paper and presented to her at her party. I finally explained that my birthday comes next, then papa's and Lyla's, and hers will come in the summer. That is when it hit me that my birthday is coming up... I am turning 31.
Now this is no big deal to the 50+ crowd, but these birthdays are coming at me a lot faster than they used to. There is no stopping the aging process. I was driving in my car last week, by myself (this literally never happens) and I was listening to an old Tori Amos song that I listened to far to often in high school. So I'm singing along by myself and I see a couple of teenagers standing by this old car that a friend of mine used to drive (probably wasn't the exact car, but it looked like it). All of the sudden, it hit me like a ton of bricks that "I WILL NEVER BE YOUNG AGAIN"! I'm no idiot, and I guess I knew that I was getting older before this sighting, but somehow I just sort of figured that the only reason that I'm not "young" right now is the fact that I'm married with children. But it isn't the husband or the kids that make me not a carefree teenager, it's the date on the calendar and the passing of many years that attribute to where I am in life. That young phase of my life has passed. In a lot of ways, it's so much better to be past all the drama of high school and the confusion about who you're supposed to become, and I hope I enjoyed it while it lasted (I think I did). But still, you don't get any of that back, it's only gonna be older me and the future. I'm going to do my best to enjoy every year I've got, especially while I have young kids in my house, because I don't want to have this same realization at 51, 71 or maybe if I'm lucky, 91. Happy birthday to me I guess.
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