Thursday, January 27, 2011


Being sick is awful. Having sick children is awful. Having a sick (read temporary quadriplegic) husband is awful. But having all of us sick at once is just to much to deal with. I genuinely didn't know that becoming a mother meant that I was no longer allowed to have a sick day. I would guess the job description would look something like this:
The requirements for motherhood are as follows
1. You don't need more than 3 total hours of sleep at night. Especially if the other people at your house are sick.
2. You must read minds. You need to anticipate vomit, thirst, and the limits of the human bladder.
3. You are at the VERY bottom of the totem pole. Your personal hygiene, hunger, thirst, rest and mental stability are not relevant in this job.
4. If you can't handle being the hostess, the waitress, the cook, the busser and the dishwasher, don't even bother applying.
5. Though you don't have a degree in medicine or pharmacology, you are expected to be completely proficient in both. Everyone else is counting on you.
6. You need to know where every single thing in your house is located. If you are changing a diaper upstairs, you need to be able to yell the EXACT location of the fruit snacks in the pantry and the exact coordinates of "that one blanket". If you can't close your eyes and identify the precise location of at least 5 binkies in you house, you fail.
7. Give up now! You don't stand a chance. You are hired!

1 comment:

  1. You poor things! Sounds exactly like my week of all being sick too (minus my hubby who was totally unsympathetic - which would be on the job description for dads). Nice tribute to the not so lovely side of MOTHERHOOD. Amen!